TESTPress WIRE #1559733
by Malus Firebringer
BATTLE REPORT FROM THE FRONT LINES: SUBDREDDIT RECRUITS RISE TO THE TOP OF THE RANKS!
In a valiant display of coordination and reflexes, four Subdredditors emerged from the smoke of SVER True Blood’s demolished Madrugars and gave word to orbital command that the deed was accomplished. Even in the face of adversity, a pure infantry outfit of the Subdredditors Bear Beets, Malus Firebringer, Need Some Triage, and Raych Hammond showed the world who deserves to be at the top of its ranks.
The Caldari mega-corporation [REDACTED] Inc., who have relentlessly targeted the mineral rich sands of [REDACTED], were paying twice the average bounty per head. This battle was shrouded by sensitive politics, but played a key role in providing a economic backbone for the Caldari. The Amarr, who owned the mineral sands, sat idly on these resources; resources that the Caldari needed immediately. These two factions, however, have been in a long standing truce that, if broken, would mean suicide – both factions would be left in a weakened, fatal state. A state that would be susceptible to a total takeover by the Gallente or civil war by the Minmatar slaves scattered throughout the Amarr regions. Each faction knew that the only way to settle this dispute was a gentleman’s war – a war fought without repercussions; without the interference of their armies – with hired mercenaries.
Even with the Subdreddit squad’s inexperience on the ground, Dreddit put their reputation on the line to get our heroes prime contracts with these Caldaris. Many Caldari corporations are eager to work with Dreddit and, with the compromise to work with recruits rather than die-hard veterans, the price was right for both sides. The Caldari, however, would soon find out that they received twenty-fold the value of their purchase.
As the team assembled in the war room in orbit around [REDACTED], they eagerly awaited the freshest opponents to be squashed under their jackboots. One at a time – each name slowly appeared on the mercenary board. Our fresh, eager (and skilled) Subdredditors names scrawled under the Caldari’s side. There was an abrupt hush among the other mercenaries. Under the Amarr side, one corporation name stood out from the rest: SVER True Blood. One of the best trained, best equipped mercenary corporations to ever field a unit. Among them, a hero to some, infamous to others – zdowgzz. zdowgzz has over 16,000 confirmed kills between all of his clones combined. Four times as many confirmed kills as the whole of our participating Subdreddit squad.
Malus Firebringer was apprehensive about the upcoming battle, but was renewed by his obligation to Dreddit’s reputation and the three word’s uttered by Need Some Triage’s lips: “Bring it on.”
This steel will would bring about a momentum that could not be stopped. Like a diamond-edged pendulum, our squad swung into battle unhindered. Our team, pinned down in a lattice of rocks and dunes, held firm. One after the other, Amarr’s mercenaries fell, with few casualties to the Subdredditors and their blueberry companions. Bears Beets cut down wave after wave of enemy with her minigun, while Need Some Triage and Raych Hammond held the flanks and kept each other safe and supplied.
Taking advantage of a lull in the action on the southern flank, Malus Firebringer used this opportunity to get a better shooting position on the Amarr forces to the east. Heading down this flank, he soon found himself cut off from his group. However, this would emerge to be a blessing in disguise.
The SVER mercenaries, fearing imminent defeat, called forth three Madrugar Heavy Armoured Vehicles. One Madrugar dropped on each side of Malus—to the east, and to the west. Normally, this would spell disaster. However, he noticed a lone blueberry 20 metres to the east, thepiercer, charging head on to meet the dropped HAV—zdowgzz’s HAV. Malus scaned the horizon, took down a rifleman and sniper to clear a path for thepiercer, who droped three full swarm blasts of rockets upon the Madrugar. With zdowgzz’s HAV close to destruction, Malus eliminated another enemy rifleman, allowing thepiercer to finish his job unobstructed. Opposite the battlefield to the rest of its legion, the other HAV to the west was easy pickings for the two mercenaries.
As the clone numbers dwindled for both sides, SVER and their comrades still pounded the dunes with blows from their last HAV. This did not stop Bears Beets, Need Some Triage, or Raych Hammond, who – along with the support of other lone wolves fighting for the Caldari – pushed head on into the HAV and plunged the final dagger into their opponents.
The fatalities from both side were high – 72 lost for the Caldari and 80 for the Amarr, along with three very expensive HAV vehicles lost by Amarr mercenaries. Three of the heroic subdredditors were in the top five of the leaderboards for the Caldaris.
The total outcome was a victory for the Caldari, staying peace between the two factions, and a bolstered fame for the Subdreddit Corporation.